Surely at one time or another everyone has witnessed a group of bourgeois canines playing anthropomorphic poker on one or the other of Cassius Coolidge's series of paintings. But the man's whimsical imagination wasn't quite as far removed from reality as one might like to think. Perhaps you believe that chips and chimps do not go well together and that it sounds like something out of a Douglas Adams book, but if you ever played online against someone who had a great-ape photo for his icon, don't be so sure it was just the excellent players irritating sense of online humor - you just may have lost a few thousand or more to an actual primate. If you thought using a stick to crack a walnut or a skull was the best an ape could do, in this early twenty-first century, when the world is on the verge of a Technological Singularity (think what an "intelligence explosion" can do to PC and online games), you, man or woman, had better think again.
Primate Programming Inc. has confirmed that the great apes (who share 97% of their DNA with us) make superbly efficient IT practitioners. The individuals (yes, apes) working for PPI are trained to offer their services to PPI clients. These employees were later discovered to be capable of learning to play online poker in their leisure time, displaying a particular penchant for no-limit Texas Hold'em.
These card-playing apes are drawn to no-limit poker due to their natural bent for playful displays of aggression. So, this particular feature enables them to be particularly proficient at aggressive bluffing. In no-limit games, any player can bet his entire wad at any time, a strategy (?) requiring risky, aggressive behavior and the ability to retain a poker face while bluffing.
Since there is no way to identify the poker players online due to its anonymous nature, no one knows if their opponents are human or something other than human. That player who started off betting small and showing his lame cards to all, the one who much later bet large, had everyone call, then gleefully showed aces was probably one of the non-humans. The players had no idea he then jumped up and down, pounded his chest and demanded a banana.
Not coincidentally, the primate-payers were initially hired as computer programmers. They actually develop programs by themselves as a side line to playing poker. PPI has not yet revealed the content of these programs. Certainly, though, they could go for a career in professional online-poker playing. They don't seem to want to pursue this career choice, however. When they leave the office, they are very apt to neglect all their training and go back to climbing fences and eating bananas. Even so, if they are paid regularly, given three squares a day and a boyfriend or girlfriend, David Sklansky and Ed Miller may have to update their No-limit Hold'em instruction books very soon.
There is ongoing investment of money and effort taking place in the research of these programmer apes. Norm McAuliffe, a Yale biology Phd and the scientist leading the discovery research team at Primate Poker Inc is now hiring profitable primate-players to play for cash in rotation shifts 24/7. Mr. McAulliffe is very much committed to his business model and plans to continue his work.
Primate Programming Inc. has confirmed that the great apes (who share 97% of their DNA with us) make superbly efficient IT practitioners. The individuals (yes, apes) working for PPI are trained to offer their services to PPI clients. These employees were later discovered to be capable of learning to play online poker in their leisure time, displaying a particular penchant for no-limit Texas Hold'em.
These card-playing apes are drawn to no-limit poker due to their natural bent for playful displays of aggression. So, this particular feature enables them to be particularly proficient at aggressive bluffing. In no-limit games, any player can bet his entire wad at any time, a strategy (?) requiring risky, aggressive behavior and the ability to retain a poker face while bluffing.
Since there is no way to identify the poker players online due to its anonymous nature, no one knows if their opponents are human or something other than human. That player who started off betting small and showing his lame cards to all, the one who much later bet large, had everyone call, then gleefully showed aces was probably one of the non-humans. The players had no idea he then jumped up and down, pounded his chest and demanded a banana.
Not coincidentally, the primate-payers were initially hired as computer programmers. They actually develop programs by themselves as a side line to playing poker. PPI has not yet revealed the content of these programs. Certainly, though, they could go for a career in professional online-poker playing. They don't seem to want to pursue this career choice, however. When they leave the office, they are very apt to neglect all their training and go back to climbing fences and eating bananas. Even so, if they are paid regularly, given three squares a day and a boyfriend or girlfriend, David Sklansky and Ed Miller may have to update their No-limit Hold'em instruction books very soon.
There is ongoing investment of money and effort taking place in the research of these programmer apes. Norm McAuliffe, a Yale biology Phd and the scientist leading the discovery research team at Primate Poker Inc is now hiring profitable primate-players to play for cash in rotation shifts 24/7. Mr. McAulliffe is very much committed to his business model and plans to continue his work.
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